Eternity
by EclipseKlutz
Summary: [Indefinite hiatus] On Middle Earth a new evil is stirring. And on Earth two social opposites face their worst fear: being partners in a lab project. But when they're pulled into Middle Earth will it mean the end of existance, or the beginning at last?
1. Chapter I: Up In Smoke

Eternity 

**Chapter I: Up in Smoke**

**By EclipseKlutz**

**Classification: **"_Lord of the Rings_": Action/Adventure/Drama

**Rating:** PG-13 (my humor [sarcasm, dry humor, and other such things], possible gore and exaggerated drama, mild language, graphic violence, you know- all the normal stuff)

**Pairings:** Don't know yet, but Arwen/Aragorn fans might not want to read this.

**Disclaimer:** Do you think _I_ could ever own this? Gees, I'm flattered… except _Lord of the Rings_ was published in the early-mid 1900s. How _old_ do you think I am? Anyways, I own a few characters (hopefully you'll know who they are), and the plot… JRR Tolkein owns the rest. Fallsville doesn't exist by the way.

**Spoilers:** Takes place a few years after the _movies_

**Summary:** After given a science project that's worth half their grade, school nerd Amy Gidget and the punk-rocker Tess Fields are pretty much forced to work together. But when the project goes awry, they're pulled into Middle Earth; a place Amy only has little knowledge of and to which Tess is completely illiterate. Now they have to return to their own time… but another war has started.     

**~~*~~**

****

Earth: Monday, August 11, 2003 

**_2:19 PM, Last Period- AP Chemistry_******

"You're homework over the next month –until Thursday, September 25th-- is to create an contrary-system," Dr. Johnson announced as he walked up and down the isles, stopping every now and then to inspect some of his student's most recent projects. "Now, who can tell me what that is?"

A single hand shot into the air, while the rest of the class looked utterly clueless. Dr. Johnson glanced over at the squirrelly girl attached to it- the only student who actually deserved to be in the AP Chemistry class he was instructing right now. 

"We all know _you_ know the answer, Miss Gidget, but would anyone else like to try to answer the question?" he asked the class. Only her hand stayed in the air- even the people who looked like they were trying to figure out the answer stayed silent and planted in their seat.

He turned to the girl near the back who had just rudely placed her booted feet on the lab table in front of her, and scolded, "One more time, Miss Fields, and it'll be a week of detention!"

Tess huffed, removing her feet yet leaving a few chunks of dirt on the table, and making no move to clean them off.

"Since you remain the only non-illiterate student in this class, Miss Gidget, how about you explain to us what a contrary system is?" Dr. Johnson offered finally, as no one else had made any attempt to answer and Amy looked as though she were about to fall out of her chair.

"A contrary system is a cluster of molecules formulated by a dominating number of negative atoms, hence the arch of our existence. It pulls together by trans-mental energies, evanescing any sense of moisture creating a possible portal to an alternate plane," she paused to take a breath before continuing, "but recent studies show that this theory is completely impossible, as the more naïve believe that there could never be another plane- this caused scientists to question the existence of the astral plane which-"

"That's enough, Miss Gidget, I think we get the meaning now," Dr. Johnson informed her, figuring the rest of the class would explode from an over-bundance of knowledge.

Amy blushed slightly, glancing down at the desk in front of her as she realized she had gone overboard again.

"Yeah, but how're we supposed to make somethin' like that?" Tess commented without attempting to raise her hand.

Dr. Johnson rolled his eyes, "That's for me to know and you to figure out. Now… partners are as follows: Samuel and Gloria, Dawn and Lauren-" the two preps squealed happily with joy- "Hannah and John, Donna and Samone, Dan and Mike, Simon and Carl L., George and Erin, Amy and Tess, and Della and Carl M."

Tess blinked, hoping she hadn't heard what she thought she had. Glancing over at the geek of the school she noted Amy had a similar look of shock on her face. _'Oh well, at least I'll get an A,' _Tess thought, mentally groaning, _'and I might actually learn something… yeah, right.'_

**~~*~~**

**_Earth: Monday, August 11, 2003_**

**_9:53 PM_**

Amy sighed, flopping down on her bed and automatically grabbing the teddy bear that sat on the floor besides the queen-sized bed. She leaned backwards against the wall that had been hand-painted (by her) with clouds, and stared at the book sitting on her bed stand, unwilling to look at the mirror, as she already knew what she'd find.

She'd see a vertically challenged pale and scrawny girl with chest-length brown hair pulled back in a messy pony-tail with a few of the uneven strands dangling out, and wide hazel eyes staring back at her. She had never been exactly proud of her appearance, even if she _was_ stick thin.

Hugging the worn stuffed bear tighter against her chest, Amy leaned backwards, frowning. Tomorrow she'd have to face being partners with one of her complete opposites- Tess Fields. Her other opposite –and nemesis- was Lauren, so she was happy Mr. Johnson hadn't stuck her with that prep, but _still_…

"Life's strange," she informed the bear as she crawled beneath the dark violet comforter on her bed and grabbing the book she was about to start reading, _'Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Lost Slayer (Special Edition: Whole Series)'_. "It's just strange…"

**~~*~~**

**_Earth: Monday, August 11, 2003_**

**_10:31 PM_ **

"Aw!" Tess complained, staring in exasperation at the screen of the only television in the house, so therefore the one she'd been playing Nintendo on… and the one that had just frozen up as she finally got down the boss of that particular level for the first time.

"You aren't _still_ playing that stupid game, are you?" Mrs. Fields asked as she walked into the room, which served as both the kitchen and the family room in their small house. "Go to bed- it's a school night."

Tess rolled her eyes and climbed to her feet, manually turning off the TV as she replied, "Fine, mom…"  

Since she already wore her pajamas (black sweatpants and a matching T-shirt with Linkin Park on the front), Tess hesitantly walked into the room she shared with her older sister.

Maurice was already asleep on the top bunk, looking like some princess out of a fairy tale. Tess scowled; her older sister had always been the beauty of the family. Tess was the tall one with a little flab, the one who had ended up with the tangle-prone black hair and ended up cutting it to her chin, the one with dark green eyes instead of her sister's perfect emerald ones.

She didn't have much time to pity herself though since her tiredness was setting in from pulling late nights just about every day of the weak and getting up early every day.   

Climbing into the bottom bunk and pulling her grandmother's faded old quilt over her shoulders, Tess laid her head against the pillow wondering how'd she survive the next week in AP Chemistry with the biggest nerd in school.

**----*----**

**_Middle Earth_ **

"Aragorn!" the dwarf hollered as he sprinted as fast as his aching legs would allow towards the palace of Gondor, "Aragorn!"

Halting outside the double doors, Gimli bent over, placing his hands on his bended knees, dangling his head and panting. He'd been running for so long… two days since he'd heard the news.

Regaining his composure, the dwarf threw open the door closest to him and strutted inside, only to be opposed by two heavily armored guards.

"What business do you have here?" the tallest guard demanded.  

"He," A familiar voice entered the interrogation before it had hardly begun, "is a friend of mine. Stand down and let Gimli pass."

"Gimli?" the shorter guard squeaked, glancing in Gimli's direction with wide eyes. He bowed and backed away, as though he did not want to be seen opposing the dwarf. The taller guard copied his movements and backed away as well.

Gimli snorted, "Nice to know I'm welcome in your hall, Aragorn."

Aragorn strode down the steps, revealing Arwen standing in the door behind him looking elegant in her flowing white satin gown. Arwen tossed a smile in Gimli's direction before offering, "Would you like anything, Master Dwarf? Of course you would…" she walked away disappearing into the halls through the doorway to order up a feast.

Placing a hand on Gimli's shoulder Aragorn replied, "You're always welcome here… you just look… dirtier then usual…? All the while, care to announce the reason behind your visit?"

"The trees have been talking, saying things about a menace growing… a powerful shape shifter after power," Gimli frowned and added under his breath: "I told you it was a bad idea to let the elf force-teach me Tree-ish."

Aragorn sighed ignoring Gimli's comment, "Shape shifter, you say?"

"Yes. The trees say he wanders disguised as a human," Gimli informed him. 

"Now that's a change…"

**----*----**

**_Earth: Tuesday, August 12, 2003_**

**_1:45 PM, Eighth period- Choir_**

****

_Bring!_

Amy shook her head, trying to shake sleep out of her system. A bell had just rung… her mind was hazy for a moment, trying to rid itself of the numbing sensation of exhastion of getting only an hour of sleep, but then it clicked.

_'Yes! Eighth period is over!' _She thought happily, pulling her books onto her lap and glancing down at the choir teacher who half the school thought was hell's spawn (the other half never met her). _'No offence to you, of course…'_

Grabbing the back of her cold metal chair she pulled herself to her feet, hesitating as a wave of dizziness passed over her. "Note to self, no getting good books for a long, long time."

After a quick breath she cautiously followed the rest of the class out of the room, and as normal made it to her locker without being confronted. Nerds were social outcasts around here, anyway.

"Hey, Amy, right?" A boy's voice asked calmly, as he leaned against the locker next to hers.

"No, you cannot copy my homework," she responded without looking at him, as that was the question almost anyone who approached her asked. Pulling her chemistry book out from the bottom of a cluttered pile in her locker, she grabbed the door handle and pulled herself to her feet keeping her back to the guy.

Whoever he was laughed lightly, "Hey, I don't recall asking to copy your homework, I just want your opinion on something."

"Polls are mindless collections of other's thoughts, not reflecting one's own, and in common circumstances remodeling one's own personal opinion into that of the majority under the impression they will make more friends if they don't clash with the more populated opinion," Amy retorted, glancing at him… he wasn't _that _bad looking with his tall frame, messy black hair, and dark blue eyes, but since when did she start thinking about getting a boyfriend? _Or_, for that matter, liking guys?

He smiled slightly but gave her a completely confused look, as though unsure of what she was trying to say.

"It means no," she offered, turning her gaze to the clock. "Now, if you don't mind I've got to go…"

"Just one question, white or purple?" 

Amy cocked an eyebrow at him, "Purple. Bye now."

She walked away, really fast, hoping she'd make it to next period on time. Dr. Johnson was lenient with most of her lates because she was his star student, but she didn't want to be treated like a teacher's pet.

…She made it to the classroom exactly fifteen seconds after the bell rang. Amy frowned and walked over to her desk, dropping her books down and flopping into one of the chairs.

"All right class," Dr. Johnson said as though he hadn't notice her come in, "You'll have to sit with your partner… so, get to it- chop, chop."

Glancing over at Tess, Amy rolled her eyes. The rebel had her feet on top of her desk again, and was playing with her silver thumb ring that she had had since first grade. After a few seconds though, Tess turned her gaze to her and scowled before kicking off the table and somehow landing on her feet on the floor before approaching Amy.

"Let's get this over with," Tess said, pulling out a chair for herself and sitting down. Amy didn't fail to notice the worried look Dr. Johnson sent their way.

Nodding in agreement, Amy asked, "So, do you want to go all out with this, approach it from a different perspective, or just make it simple?"

Tess glanced at her, cocking an eyebrow, "Whatever you wish, oh Smart One."

"Don't call me that," Amy huffed, they were already on a rocky start and class had only been in session for less then five minutes.

The punk rocker shrugged in response, and made a decent effort to look interested in the project. 

"You know," Amy offered as she grabbed a sheet of paper to start plotting out the plan, "you don't have to waste your energy on boredom, you _should_ be helping me out here, how much of a grade do you want."

"I want an 'A' less than you, but I'd say go all out and see if we can make little dinosaurs on this alternate plane of ours," Tess responded, now putting her energy into not sticking her feet on the table.

Amy smirked slightly; happy Tess's humor wasn't as… _bad_ as all the other rocker chicks. "Contrary system," Amy corrected, "We do _not _want to make an alternate plane or universe since I honestly don't want to see you in a pink dress with a ribbon in your hair."

"I second that," Tess responded wryly, shuddering at the thoughts of pink dresses and (gulp) matching hair ribbons…

**~~*~~**

**_Earth: Friday, August 15, 2003_**

**_2:08 PM, Ninth Period- AP Chemistry_**

****

Two days had passed since their discussion about Tess in a pink dress, and it seemed their rocky relationship was finally becoming one where they could consider the other as an acquaintance, not yet a friend but some one they talked to. 

The drawing board had been finished early Wednesday morning in Amy's third period study hall, so they had been working on the basics for two days, and it seemed that today they could finally do something more challenging… say, start the roots of the contrary system.

Despite her attempts not to be, Tess was hyper with excitement. She was sincerely enjoying the project- mixing things together and getting explosions and shocked was becoming the most entertaining part of her day, and her partner seemed to have the same sense of humor- making the class much more livable. So as she walked into the classroom trying to keep her expression remote and controlled, and took a seat at the lab table that Amy and her had been using for the past few days, she couldn't help but hope class would start soon.

And wow, Amy was on time. The nerd had told her the other day about the boy that had approached her near her locker, and Tess clarified that she had never seen a guy like that at their school before.

Dropping her books on the floor besides the table, Amy plopped into her seat and immediately engaged a conversation with Tess about what they had to do today.

"If we're lucky, we should be done by September 17th, giving us six class days to tweak it a little," Amy explained after she informed Tess on the necessities of the day.

"Or," Tess implied, "We could build a ray gun with the school supplies."

"Not a bad idea," Amy responded with a grin, as she began to reach for the goggles and realized they weren't there.

Dr. Johnson chose that time to stand in front of the class with a clipboard and announced, "You're supplies and experiments have been moved to the lab, which I've rented out until September 24th. Now line up class, we have to go there now."

Tess and Amy exchanged a quick glance, and Tess shrugged before pulling herself to her feet and filing out of the room behind the rest of the class.

Amy's grin widened as she entered the lab- all the supplies they needed were right there. Following Tess over to the table near the back that had all their stuff loaded on top of it, she instantly seated herself as Tess grabbed the lab coats off the hook behind her.

Tossing the nerd a lab coat and pulling on her own, Tess took a seat as well, sharing the same grin as Amy. "Allright, Smart Person, you direct me on what to do- I want to pour the stuff."

"Okay, here, take this," Amy nodded handing Tess a vile of thick transluctant blue liquid. "And add it to… um, a half cup of water."

The punk-rocker did as she was told under the careful supervision of Amy- who was trying to mix a white powder with a gooey green substance while she made sure Tess did it all right.

"Okay, how are you with matches and crap, 'cause I sincerely suck?" Amy inquired after Tess finished blending water with the blue stuff.

Tess smirked, "I'm a pyro freak, what else are you expecting?"

"Good," Amy replied after a minute, as she handed Tess whatever the gooey (and now powdery) substance she had been working on was, "Mix this with the blue liquid, and set it on fire- then we have our main root."

"Cool," Tess stated pouring the two concoctions together. Snatching a book of matches from one of the drawers, she lit one of the narrow sticks. Without hesitation, she held down into the beaker now holding the almost turquoise subject.

Strangely thick black smoke drifted up from the beaker, filling the room in a matter of seconds, and choking its inhabitants. Sparks flew up from the table where the two girls sat and Tess shouted something that sounded like a very bad curse, but it was muffled against the smolder.

Dr. Johnson blindly navigated himself through the room, ushering all the students out before calling the principle, Mr. McHede, down to the room. 

"Dr. Johnson!" Frizzy-haired Gloria said urgently, trying to gain his attention, "Amy and Tess aren't out here- and there's no response from the room!"

**----*----**

"Eh," Tess groaned as consciousness slowly came back to her. She blinked for a few moments, her eyes burning from whatever that smoke had been, and pulled herself into a sitting position. 

As her vision unfogged, it didn't take her long to notice that she was not where she had been the last time she'd seen the world. She was somewhere in a shaded forest, the sky wasn't even noticeable through the thick branches and swaying leaves of the trees. "What the…?"

She heard a moan from beside her and looked over to see Amy reviving as well. Tess shook the girl to make the process go faster- she had a good deal of questions that needed answers.

"Stop it," Amy commanded groggily, shoving Tess's arm away. She blinked a few times as well and her eyes widened, "Where the hell are we?"

"You're guess is as good as mine," Tess informed her with a frown- she had been hoping Amy knew, after all, the girl seemed to know everything anyways. "But I can tell you one thing- Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore."

"We were never in Kansas to begin with," Amy stated, frowning as well. Grabbing a low branch on a nearby tree, she shakily pulled herself to her feet and glanced around, "How'd we get here anyway?"

Tess also climbed to her feet, but without the need of a branch, "That questions easy- lab explosion."

"But that's only in the movies," Amy replied skeptically. 

"Guess not," Tess shrugged, "But maybe we should focus less on where we are and more on where we're going to go."

"I know where you're going," a new, deeper, voice entered their conversation. The two girls looked over to see a tall man with messy coffee brown hair and matching eyes jumping off a horse and walking towards them. Behind him five men on horseback awaited orders. "With me."

"Um… hi," Amy greeted unsurely stepping back, noticing the five feet separating her and Tess, "We seem to be a little lost… who are you?"

"Faramir of Gondor, and I ask that you two strangers cooperate," he introduced himself as a man grabbed Tess by her left arm- she tossed him a glare yet said nothing. Faramir watched in silence as another guard grabbed Amy by her wrists.

"Did we go back to the medieval ages or something?" Tess whispered so only Amy could hear.

Amy shook her head, and whispered back, "No- unless this is a set of the movies, or a very realistic role playing game, I… I think we're in Middle Earth."

"What? That place with the gay midgets in the five-hour movies?" Tess retorted, still keeping her voice down.

Amy shot her a sharp glance yet merely nodded, deciding that the best way to make her understand was by letting her go by her version of the movie. Amy herself had never read the books either, so technically any of her theories on Middle Earth were just shots in the dark.

Faramir inspected them for a few moments before asking, "May I ask what two young women would be doing outside of their cities? Especially at a time as vital as this?"

"Well, you see… we're new here- like new to this _entire _place," Amy tried to explain, though not achieving the normal nerdiness she normally had while she was talking, "We're from the Earth, and we had an experiment and it sort of blew up in our faces… and now we're here."

"Uh-huh," Faramir stated disbelievingly. "Yes, well, you're cloths plainly say that… or runaway whores."

Tess loudly cleared her throat, now thoroughly insulted yet knowing full well that the horse riders had complete advantage… and they didn't believe the truth. So, she set to explaining her own way, "I'm _not _a prostitute, and neither is she…. Erm, _Arcadia_ has recently come down with a disease that has made her delusional, and she ran out of our village without anyone noticing her a few days ago- I only just found her. Though I'm slightly lost and can't seem to find the way back."

Amy, or Arcadia, gave Tess a very pointed death glare but stayed quiet and pretended to be very interested in the trees- trying to keep up the "delusional" appearance.

Faramir watched silently as Amy poked at the leaves of the trees acting like the bark was sacred or something. "I see," he said after a few minutes, even though he still didn't seem to completely believe the story, "But I'll have to bring you back to the King of Gondor."

Amy immediately snapped to attention, "Aragorn?"

"_King _Aragorn," Faramir corrected automatically.

Pulling away from the guard since he had let his guard down, Tess punched him hard in the face and in an instant had Amy free as well. Grabbing the nerd's wrist, she attempted to drag her into the forest and away from the Gondor citizens. But horses can easily outrun humans and they were cornered within a matter of seconds.

"Bind that one, and keep the two separate," Faramir ordered as soon as the girls were once again in the custody of his men. 

A particularly buff rider jumped off his horse with a rope and tied it around Tess's wrists before picking her up like a rock and dropping her onto the saddle of his horse. Another tried to tie Amy's wrists together, but she stepped away- climbing onto his horse without protest- or a word.

"May I ask your name?" Faramir asked of Tess.

She paused for a moment before responding dully, "It's impolite to ask that of someone after you've unreasonably decided to hull them back to your palace or whatever instead of letting them leave."

"Fine then," he replied, pulling on his own helmet and climbing onto his horse. And with the beckon of a shrill whistle, the riders were off to Gondor.  

**----*----**

**A/N: **Wow, this was fun to write! Okay- I'll be honest; I only have limited knowledge of the books, so most of the information I'm getting here is from the movies… I hope you don't mind.

All right, can I please have at least three reviews? Please? Oh, and one question: which do you like better, Amy or Tess?

 **__**


	2. Chapter II: Gondor

Eternity 

**Chapter II: _Gondor _**

**By EclipseKlutz**

**Classification: **"_Lord of the Rings_": Action/Adventure/Drama

**Rating:** PG-13 

**Pairings:** I have a few ideas now but they'll have to wait before I have them finalized by the vict-er-friend I make read these… so pairings should be decided in a few days.

**Disclaimer:** Do you think _I_ could ever own this? Gees, I'm flattered… except _Lord of the Rings_ was published in the early-mid 1900s. How _old_ do you think I am? Anyways, I own a few characters (hopefully you'll know who they are), and the plot… JRR Tolkien owns the rest. Fallsville doesn't exist by the way.

**Spoilers:** Takes place a few years after the _movies_

**Summary:** After given a science project that's worth half their grade, school nerd Amy Gidget and the punk-rocker Tess Fields are pretty much forced to work together. But when the project goes awry, they're pulled into Middle Earth; a place Amy only has little knowledge of and to which Tess is completely illiterate. Now they have to return to their own time… but another war has started.   

**A/N:** Most of the fic from here on out will take place in Middle Earth unless noted otherwise, so I hope I don't have to put the headline things up again. Replies to the reviews are at the end- thank you so much ^-^, lots and lots of inspiration! Nice to know Tess's humor is appreciated… heh, there's more here *sighs* insulting Faramir but… 

Also, I'd like to say it's mostly just talking through the beginning of the chapter, but once that's over and done with I will try to get some action in here. So just bare with me, ok? 

And while I'm on the topic of baring with me, Tess will most likely be herself throughout the entire story unless you want otherwise, and Amy will have to undergo a bit of character development to free her from whatever bonds of nerdiness and no-life-iness she's chained in.

**~~*~~**

"King Aragorn," Faramir greeted as he stepped into the large, yet empty stone hall.

"Yes, Faramir," Aragorn acknowledged as he looked up from the dwarf he'd been talking with about various topics as they awaited Legolas's arrival. 

Faramir took a hesitant breath before explaining, "We came across two human girls in our travels- too far away from any village. We brought them back for interrogation, shall I have them sent in now or would you rather it wait?"

"Now is a better time then never," Aragorn said tiredly, and beside him Gimli nodded- unsure of what else to do. 

The buff horseman entered the room a few moments later, dragging an angry Tess behind him as Amy walked casually on his left side as though this happened every day… which it didn't. How many times in a lifetime were you pulled into a place from a book?

'_One in a very large number,' _she thought, hiding her panicked emotions from her expression. Thanks to Tess and her own earlier outbreak, they all believed her to be crazy so there was no hope of getting the truth across. '_But I want to go home!'_

"This one's delusional," Faramir stated, motioning towards Amy, before glancing at Tess, "And that one is too."

"I'm not delusional! What is wrong with you people? I just want to get home!" Amy shouted, finally losing her patience with the Gondor horse master even though Tess didn't seem to mind being called crazy. "How do you know you're not the ones who are insane, huh? HUH?"

"Sit," Aragorn commanded, his voice strangely calm despite her outbreak.

Crossing her arms across her chest Amy huffed stubbornly, "I'd rather stand."

The buff rider pushed Tess into a chair and exited, deciding he no longer wanted to be in the room. After a moment of reluctant mental conflict, Faramir followed him out the door.

Now that he and Gimli were the only ones left in the room, Aragorn inquired of Amy, "May I ask where your village is?"

"Fallsville, Oregon in the U.S. of A., on _Earth_," Amy responded, "And I'm not crazy…"

"How'd they come to believe you were, then?" Aragorn replied.

Amy sent a dark glare Tess's way and stated, "She told them I was delusional so they would let us go… please, you've got to believe me. I don't want to be in this forsaken place…"

"I would believe you if I heard more of your story," Legolas said as he walked into the room. "Aragorn, Gimli, nice to see you."

Tess looked defeated as she mumbled so that she thought only Amy would hear, "Amy, you could just lie and they could let us go and we could find a way home ourselves."

"You know, elves have excellent hearing," Legolas informed Tess, before turning his gaze upon the girl, "So your name is Amy then?"

Amy nodded. "Can we go now?"

"I'm afraid that if what you say is true, it might not be wise to leave so soon," Aragorn said. "Though we have no proof it is… other then your cloths."

"What is it with you guys and our, dare I say _modern_, cloths? We're _not _hookers, gees- I've never even had a date in my life," Tess commented dryly. 

Gimli snickered slightly at her comment, though his expression made it clear that he didn't buy a word of what they were trying to tell them. He shut up at the glance Aragorn tossed him, "Give us proof then that you both are not delusional and that both of you don't belong in one of our psychiatry wards."

"You established those?" Amy inquired, looking half proud with achievement, "And I thought that would never work…"

Tess, who had been picking at the ropes binding her wrists since they first put them on, had finally managed to take them out of the binding and fold them across her chest, "My proof is that even back home I'm more sane then her."

"We're getting no where with this interrogation-thing," Amy huffed, finally stating the obvious, "Can't you just believe us already and get it over with?"

"They do have the accent from someone not from here," Legolas commented, glancing over at Aragorn and Gimli.

"I don't have an accent!" Tess protested.

Kicking her in the shins, Amy mumbled, "Tess… shut up."

"Why?" 

"Because you're not helping."

"How about," Aragorn suggested, "We set you up with rooms for the night and discuss this matter in the morning? It's getting late."

Gimli glanced over at Amy's scrawny frame and said pointedly, "Feed them first, Aragorn- that one looks like she hasn't eaten half her life."

Any comeback Amy had for that one sounded severely strange, and would probably only enhance their belief that she was insane, so she stayed strangely silent, trying to ignore the giggles Tess was unable to suppress.

**----*----**

Amy yawned; staring at the ceiling of the chamber Aragorn had appointed her, which was gradually becoming blurrier as sleepiness set in. Mentally cursing her insomnia, and desperation to finish the last book she'd started (_'Rowan Hood'_), Amy rolled over once again now on her side staring out the window and the dimly lit stone streets of Gondor.

'_I never thought I'd regret not reading the books,' _she thought, frowning. Had she known maybe a few years earlier she would've skipped that day- one absence couldn't dent her academic achievement that much, right?

Someone knocked the thick wooden medieval-fashioned door to her room, causing her to jump. Taking a quick –yet deep- breath to re-achieve her earlier forced calmness, she crawled off the bed and walked over to the door, pressing down the iron handle the door swung open to reveal the blonde elf in the doorway.

"Hi, what's going on?" Amy inquired suspiciously- Middle Earth seemed much less threatening in the movies, and she wasn't sure she trusted Tolkien's characters as much as she used to… of course, back then there had been a television screen and God-knows-what-else separating them from her.

"I thought maybe I could understand this better if Aragorn and Gimli aren't around making their own inquiries, and if your friend wasn't being sarcastic- and as you put it, 'not helping'," Legolas responded.

Nodding, Amy stepped aside so he could enter and stood timidly by the door- not sure what she was supposed to say or do. Thankfully he picked up on that and told her, "Have a seat- I only have a few simple questions."

"Okay," she said slowly, but walked over to the bed and sat down on it nonetheless. 

"All right, first off, are you delusional? A straight answer would get a lot of this settled," Legolas stated after a few moments of awkward –on her part- silence. 

"No," Amy protested instantly as she leaned back against the wall, "I can't believe you're still stuck on that… I'm just, well, smart for my age."

"Which is?"

"Fifteen."

"What's this place… Earth, like?"

"Depends on the season, but it's full of snobby preps and idiots, and druggies, and chaos, and people whose minds have been destroyed by the television."

"Sounds negative."

"Only parts of it."

"What's the good parts, then?"

Amy thought for a moment, only just realizing that she had spent a good deal of her life focusing on the negative, " Well… I'd say books. Or maybe education… And writing… I don't know." '_That's it? Gees… I really do need a life.'_

"And that sounds strangely dull," Legolas informed her, shaking his head, "If that's it, then why do you want to leave Middle Earth?"

"My family- mom would practically die if I don't come back, after dad died I'm all she's got really," she told him as she picked a pillow off the floor and hugged it gently. "And… it's, well, it's _home_."

"That I can understand," he said. "Even Gandalf agreed that home always draws you back-"

"So you believe me?" Amy interrupted.

Legolas hesitated for a moment as though contemplating his answer, "A little… Honestly I don't understand why Aragorn believes you to be lying."

"Because of the complete unrealism of Earth existing," Amy answered for him, "It's simple really, on Earth this place is just a figment of another writer's imagination like 

Harry Potter or… hm, wonder if that exists… anyways, it just doesn't seem corporeal enough to grasp the truth, like the possibility of alternate planes. To be completely honest myself, I still don't think this place – Middle Earth is real."

Legolas nodded, her reply did seem to put some very obvious things in perspective. Climbing to his feet he told her, "You'll have to prove this tomorrow, but even if it is true we may not be able to help get you back for a while…"

"Why?" Amy demanded, as far as she was concerned she wanted to be home _now_. 

"Some shape shifter after power, it doesn't seem as bad as the ring but you never know," the elf explained, before frowning and inquiring, "You do know what I'm talking about, correct?"

"Yeah, that's what the Token-person wrote about," she informed him. '_What was that guy's name, anyway?'_

"Good. You'd better carry out Aragorn's orders and get some rest, it seems as though you're going to have a rather hard day tomorrow," with that Legolas left the small room, shutting the door behind him.

Amy sighed and climbed beneath the brown blankets covering the bed after blowing out the candle that had offered light earlier. Once again facing the window she closed her eyes and tried desperately to achieve her goal of sleep…

_'Wait a minute… since when were there shape shifters in Middle Earth?'_

**----*----**

The morning's questioning had gone smoothly, and with Legolas's help they managed to convince the human and dwarf of the truth… well, make them not be so skeptical about. 

To say the least, Faramir wasn't exactly pleased with the outcome as he stormed into the hall where the questioning had taken place. 

"I told you that one was delusional!" he argued, still strongly rooted to his earlier belief that the girls were both insane liars.

The one he was talking about though had left a while ago in a quiet retirement to the room Aragorn had supplied- or as an escape from Gimli's constant comments about the fact that he was convinced she was starving herself and needed to eat something like a loaf of lambous bread.

So Tess, who was leaning casually against the stone wall and seemingly enjoying herself was the one to answer his protests, "Horse-guy, get a brain already… I just wanted you to go away."

"That may have been so but you lied straight out to me about her name, and you attacked one of my horsemen," He responded, his anger matching her amusement at the whole thing. 

Aragorn cocked an eyebrow, deciding that now would be a good time to intrude in their conversation, "You attacked one of the horsemen?"

"I _hit_ him," she corrected, "But it can be simply classified as self defense, he was invading my personal space and was grabbing my arm. What was I supposed to do?"

"_Try _to act innocent, maybe?" Faramir suggested dryly. 

"Yeah, but that's boring and I prefer to be blunt," she responded quickly.

"Your acting like mindless children," Gimli huffed, causing Legolas to laugh silently at the comment. Like Gimli _hadn't_ acted like that when they'd been counting up how many orcs each of them had taken down?

Tess grinned at the dwarf as she flicked a few stray strands of hair away from her eyes, "That's the point and welcome to my world, short dude."

Thankfully Gimli chose to ignore her comment, but Faramir didn't. "They show no respect for their elders and superiors and should be made to consider this for a week at least!" He insisted.

"You have to admit though, it is entertaining," one of the guards piped up from the sidelines. He covered his comment quickly though with a: "Though its not my place to make that judgment."

"You're not," Tess offered in response before any of the others could reply, "But I agree with you one hundred percent."

Faramir grunted, "I still don't think they can be trusted."

"Maybe not, but we have to take their word for it," Aragorn cut in sharply. "Meanwhile, we have more things to worry about…"

"And that's the way the cookie crumbles," Tess mumbled under her breath so none of them could hear her- it wasn't like they were familiar with modern day movies anyway (_'Do they even know what a movie is?' _she thought).

Faramir glared at her but said nothing; she hadn't had the last word yet. "Yes, the shape shifter currently resides somewhere near Rohan, should I send some of my men?"

"A few, but only to investigate and alert Eowyn, we should not step in to Rohan's affairs," Aragorn ordered.

"Eowyn?" Tess repeated, "Isn't that the sadistic blonde chick from the movies? So she owns the place now, cool… Can I go?"

"I would hardly call Eowyn sadistic," Aragorn responded shortly, turning to Gimli, "Please escort Tess from the room. We do not need interruptions and misunderstandings right now."

Tess shrugged, "I don't need anyone to escort me anywhere, thank you… Gees, it's not like it's the prom or anything. And haven't you ever heard of conjunctions? Conjunction function… ah, crap! I've got that stuck in my head again…"

With that she walked out, humming the Conjunction Function theme song, heading towards Amy's room. 

Legolas watched her go and stated after a minute, "I can tell you that Amy seems fine, but that one… that one's just strange." 

----*----

"Hey," Tess greeted expressionlessly as she shoved open the door to Amy's room, the Conjunction Function theme song still playing over and over again in her mind. 

Silence greeted her.

Frowning, Tess pushed the door open all the way and stepped into the room, which was slightly smaller then her own down the hall. Other then the various objects called furniture in the modern day world the room was empty.

She crossed the room, her boots made odd squeaking sounds as they hit the wooden floorboards but she ignored it deciding that the whole place seemed as though it could cave in any minute anyway. From the window, she saw the familiar petite brunette walking hesitantly through the streets, and if Tess wasn't very much mistaken, Amy was receiving some weird stares as she did so.

_'Probably because of the clothes,' _Tess mused, rolling her eyes, _'Wouldn't be the first time.'_

Her need of someone to talk to that wouldn't ignore her though was increasing and leaving less time for any sarcastic comments, mentally or verbally, so once again she crossed the floor and slammed the door shut behind her, heading outside.

**----*----**

Amy sighed as she walked through the winding streets of Gondor, becoming more confused as every alley and crack in the road appeared. It was like some twisted labyrinth. _'How do these people ever find their way?'_

She needed to think though, to clear her head and act like the calm sensible one yet again. But she could hardly make sense of the streets, so how could she possibly understand Middle Earth as it stood now? 

"Yeah, well, so much for being calm and collected," she mumbled to no one in particular, judging by some of the looks she was getting they already thought she was crazy, so how could it hurt to enhance their belief a little? And what exactly was prostitute-ish about a knee-length skirt and t-shirt? 

Not getting the way these overdressed people thought, she turned yet another corner and found herself somewhere in the outskirts of Gondor, a place she was fairly sure wasn't in the movies.

But here, what did the movies matter?

"Excuse me, dear," a creaky voice came from behind her. Amy turned to see an elderly man standing there bundled up in worn rags, and covered in specks of dirt. The man gave her a forced smile revealing a mouth of yellow and few teeth, "Could you supply some water?"

Amy frowned, "I'm sorry, I-I don't live here. But I think I saw a well a little ways that way."

The man continued to smile, though his frail form appeared as though it would collapse any minute. He handed her a wooden pail and inquired, "Dear, would you be as kind as to get me some? It's ever so painful to walk that far."

"Sure," she responded, taking the pail and walking in the direction where she fairly sure she'd seen a well.

Easier said then done. Gondor seemed to get bigger every second as she crossed through it. 

Suddenly someone shoved her hard into the stonewall of one of the buildings, and throbbing pain shot through her arm. She turned to shout at whoever had done that, but a hand covered her mouth and she found herself looking into the cold black eyes of the tall, rather square man that had pushed her.

As she was so small, it was simple for him to herd her into an empty alley, and despite her muffled screeches and kicking no one seemed to notice as he pulled out a knife. Its color was dulled by age, but that didn't make the steepness of the sides and sharpness of the tip any less threatening. 

The man tossed her unceremoniously into the back wall of the dark alley, where she shrunk to the floor not daring to move her gaze from the weapon's blade. 

"What's wrong, _Arcadia_?" he hissed at her, obviously taking pleasure in her fear and the way she squirmed uncomfortably as he said the name that only a few people had heard, and the way she knew he shouldn't have been one of them.

"Wh-what do you want?" she demanded hoarsely, now backed up in a corner and with full knowledge that probably hadn't been the wisest move.

The man smirked, running the blade across his index finger lightly, and even from the gentle touch of the edge a small bead of blood snaked down his finger. "Only to carry out my orders."

"Which are?" she made herself ask, figuring the more time she spent talking the more time she bought for anyone who might've noticed her being dragged into a vacant alley against her will. _'Of course, wouldn't they have acknowledged it then?'_

"Simple," he told her, still smirking sadistically, "Kill you, make the master happy."

"Why me?" That question came out before she could ponder it, but as she was new here the only person who didn't like her so far was… was Faramir. And he wouldn't have someone assassinate her… would he? 

The man didn't answer and merely knelt down in front of her, holding the knife tightly in one hand, "Tell me, _Arcadia_, that time you thought the world wasn't worth living and would be so much easier to end, did you actually intend to commit suicide?"

Amy's eyes widened to nearly twice their usual size, "Th-that was back on Earth, how could you possibly know?"

"So it is true," the man whispered, looking slightly surprised himself. "My Master has taken quite an interest in you… the servants rumor that he fancies you. Do you know who he his?"

_'Interest in me? Okay, that rules out Faramir.' _Amy shuddered, though forced herself to look the man in the eyes, "Not a clue."

"Thought so," the man smirked, twirling his knife around once more in an almost show-off-y manner, "Of course, you can imagine that he dislikes this fact and wants to get rid of you, correct?"

"Vaguely," Amy responded truthfully, watching the knife carefully, "Honestly, I'm still stuck on anyone liking me."

"Yes, that is hard to believe," the man agreed. "Oh well, enough chit-chat, I'm getting bored. Just thought it'd be nice to let you know why I'm killing you."

With that he pulled his hand with the weapon back, as though to stab her when something hit him hard across the back of his head. He went cross-eyed for a moment, which was all Amy needed to crawl out of the corner, climb to her feet, and see whoever had decided to help her out.

"Oh, gosh, thank you, Tess," she said breathlessly, leaning against the wall as Tess picked up the hefty rock she'd hit the guy with earlier and dumped it over his head yet again. This time there was the sound of something cracking and the guy crumpled to the floor.

Tess watched him in disgust and kicked his form, "He's not dead… yet, anyway. Yeah, sure, Amy. Can't have my only advocate get murdered this early on, right?"

"Wow, Tess, you used a big word," Amy responded dryly, waiting for her heart rate to return to normal. 

"I know more, it's amazing, huh?" Tess replied with a half-grin, glancing around. "Hey, what's with the bucket?"

"AH!" Amy shouted as she remembered why she was retracing her path through Gondor in the first place. "There's an old man back there who needed water… I've still got to get him some."

Tess rolled her eyes in response, "Whoa, slow down there, Rocket Girl. One thing at a time… which, I think, is that you were going for a walk, found some dude who needed water, became Miss Goody-Two-Shoes and went back to get him some, then got attacked by a crazy guy, got saved by some punk rocker from Earth, and now are still set on getting the dude his water?"

"That about sums it up… Except for the Goody-Two-shoes part," Amy replied, grabbing the bucket. "The well's somewhere near, right?"

Tess nodded, "Right down the lane."

**----*----**

"Here you go," Amy offered as she handed the elderly man his pail.

He smiled at her in thanks and took a big gulp of the water. Using his sleeve to wipe the remaining drips from his gray beard he stated, "May the gods bless you, dear."

From behind her, Amy vaguely heard Tess mutter under her breath: "Yeah, well they haven't so far."

**----*----**

**A/N: **Sorry this took me so long to get up, been grounded (still am), and chapters this length don't come easily for me. Thanks for reading, though.

**Anaire Eruthiadeth:** Thanks! This is probably the most supportive review I've ever gotten! Thank you, thank you, thank you, and thank you! ^-^. 

**WeasleyTwinsLover1112:** Nice to know you liked the last chapter, hope you liked this one too! (Enough of Tess's humor for you, then?)

**Regeane:** Thanks! Yeah, that's what I figured too with the cloths thing…

PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW! *begging*


	3. Chapter III: Arachnophobia

**Eternity**  
**Chapter III: _Arachnophobia  
_****By EclipseKlutz**

**Classification: **"_Lord of the Rings_": Action/Adventure/Drama

**Rating:** PG-13

**Pairings:** Uh… now it's up to you guys to review me and tell, or I just play around with couples for a while evil laughter

**Disclaimer:** Do you think _I_ could ever own this? Gees, I'm flattered… except _Lord of the Rings_ was published in the early-mid 1900s. How _old_ do you think I am? Anyways, I own a few characters (hopefully you'll know who they are), and the plot… JRR Tolkien owns the rest. Fallsville doesn't exist by the way.

**Spoilers:** Takes place a few years after the _movies_

**Summary:** After given a science project that's worth half their grade, school nerd Amy Gidget and the punk-rocker Tess Fields are pretty much forced to work together. But when the project goes awry, they're pulled into Middle Earth; a place Amy only has little knowledge of and to which Tess is completely illiterate. Now they have to return to their own time… but another war has started.

**A/N:** Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed—it helps a lot! And Tess seems to be the favorite from what I gathered…? 'K then. Just as a pre-note, I highly doubt that Tess would have gotten away with half the chastisement she does in here had this not been fanfiction, so don't bring it up, okay?

* * *

"I don't see why you didn't come straight back here," Aragorn stated in an almost patronizing tone. Tess had just finished telling half of the story to the present ex-members of the Fellowship, making it sound much more heroic on her part then it truly was, even after Amy had attempted to intervene with the truth.

"'Cause," Tess began, rolling her eyes, "Amy had to play Miss Goodie-Two-Shoes and get the old guy with three teeth intact some water."

"Old guy?" Gimli repeated.

"Senile, half-dead, graying, wrinkled—_old. _Man, dude, imbecile, male—_guy_," Tess explained, folding her arms across her chest as she did so.

"I know what it means," the dwarf snapped gruffly. "Did you ask his name?"

"_No_. Didn't see the point—she gave him the water, he told the gods or whatever to bless us and we left to go _straight back here_," Tess stated, laying it all out again as her mood steadily decreased.

Beside her, Amy sighed and shook her head. She'd given up on trying to offer the facts long ago, but she couldn't help but inquire now, "Why?"

Legolas and Gimli exchanged looks before the elf offered calmly, "From what you've told us someone had a particular reason to assassinate _you_. This man may have set you up. Did you see anything peculiar about him at all?"

There was a slight hesitation before Tess looked over at Amy and asked, "Didn't he tell you it hurt him to walk or something?"

"Yeah, I think so…" Her voice trailed off as realization set in, "Then he walked away with no problem after we gave him the bucket."

"After _you _gave him the bucket," Tess amended, still grumpy and annoyed from repeating the story so many times. Yawning slightly, she looked over at their interrogators and added, "And he was _way _too nice to be a good guy."

"Well, I suppose we'll look into the matter," Aragorn cut in in a resigned tone. "Meanwhile, I suggest that neither of you wander into Minas Tirith until we know what is going on."

Tess shrugged, "No problem by me."

"Or strut around here," Gimli interjected, glaring pointedly at her.

"I don't strut," Tess responded quickly, looking slightly offended, "I mosey. Big difference."

"Do you even know what either means?" Amy asked, cocking an eyebrow at the other girl.

Tess shrugged, "Strut doesn't sound… _right_. Mosey sounds a bit more graceful-like."

Amy sighed, "In laments-I mean, _your_ terms: strut is drunk; mosey is aimless; graceful is glide."

"Well, then, I got it right," Tess stated, her expression a mock version of pride.

"I give up," Amy mumbled, looking at the floor. "I give up."

**-------------------------**

Amy yawned, pulling the covers farther over her shoulder and allowing her head to sink deeper into the pillow. She needed the sleep, she really did… but the prospect of it was being stubborn and not exactly forthcoming. Which was the last thing she needed.

Increasingly uncomfortable on the thing they were trying to pass off as a mattress, she rolled onto her back, staring unblinkingly at the ceiling, trying to find better options then the two she already had—find a caffeine fix, or wander around like the living dead.

Suddenly there was a loud knocking at the door, and with a slight groan, Amy scrambled to get out of the bed, and in the end wound up falling headfirst to the floor. Rubbing her head gingerly, she hauled herself to her feet and opened the door.

Tess.

Tess in pink.

Tess looked really annoyed in pink.

"Remember that alternate plane we discussed?" Tess inquired, inviting herself into the room and shoving a pink bow into Amy's hands, "Are you sure we didn't create that instead of Central Earth?"

"_Middle _Earth," Amy corrected automatically, wasting all of her self control in an effort not to start cracking up. Finally composing herself again, she cocked an eyebrow and asked, "What's with the… the pink?"

"I open my closet and that's _all _that's in there," the punk rocker huffed, collapsing to the bed as Amy shut the door. She motioned down at her outfit, which currently composed of a knee-length pink nightgown with floral embroidery along the bottom and her black jeans inhabited by an abundance of pockets.

Amy hesitated, "Is that all you came here for? To complain?"

Tess thought a moment, then, "Do you have a shaver? _Please_? There's so much hair on my legs I'm going to barf if--"

"Tess, please!" Amy cut her off, "TMI. Big time."

"Well, I was just making a point."

"Not so vividly next time, 'k?"

Tess shrugged, "Whatever… so, do you have one?"

"I-I don't know," Amy answered timidly, afraid of what would happen if she told Tess that she didn't believe there was one in her bathroom. Pointing to the door off the far wall (which wasn't all that far away, maybe three feet), she suggested, "Why don't you go look?"

"You're a life saver," Tess responded, climbing to her feet and strutting to the bathroom door.

She turned around quickly though, just as she reached the doorframe and Amy plopped down on the floor beside her bed, unable to get any farther. Tilting her head to the side in an almost concerned manner she inquired, "You okay? You look… no offence, like crap."

"Can't sleep is all," Amy replied, leaning the back of her head against the bed. "I think I'm suffering from caffeine withdrawal."

Tess frowned, trekked across the room, and hovered over her like a frustrated babysitter who couldn't get anything to go her way and was therefore about to start patronizing, "You _sleep_. Do you not recall how you're my _only _advocate, and person I can stand really, in this godforsaken place?"

"Yeah, 'cause dying of lack of sleep is really the plan," Amy replied in a groggy-sarcastic way.

"I'm rubbing off on you," Tess mumbled, shaking her head.

But she turned on her heel none the less and wandered into the bathroom, muttering something under her breath that sounded oddly like "she's gonna wind up dead by the time we leave".

Amy frowned, and heaved herself onto the bed. It wasn't that hard—she weighed, what…? Ninety-eight pounds? After another couple of moments of fumbling with the covers, she onto her side and once again pulled the patched quilt over her shoulder. God, was she tired…

She closed her eyes, buried herself a little farther beneath the covers, finally almost to the point where she was nodding off…

"THEY DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SHAVE WITH AROUND HERE!!" Tess's frustrated yelling spree broke through her daze and the odd silence that had settled over the palace of Minas Tirith. She stomped out of the bathroom angrily, hands clenched tightly in fists.

Stating loudly how she was going to complain to whatever authorities there were around here, Tess stormed off, pink nightdress and all, to do just that.

--------------------------

The man standing before Aragorn had yet to give up his pleading and desperate attempts at persuasion. He seemed to act as though his very life depended on the message he had brought them and whether or not they complied.

"Oh, yes, Sir, there will be a very many folk there," the man informed him eagerly, as though silently praying he could get the King to bite the bait, "Think of it as a… _celebration _for the anniversary of the return of the king—you, sire."

Aragorn cocked an eyebrow at him, "I shall take it to council."

"But you are great, and you must not need the opinion of others to make your decisions!" The man didn't seem to know what he was talking about.

Frowning, Aragorn motioned to Legolas and Gimli, both of which had been standing politely by the wall the entirety of the time, "I'm sure you recognize these two."

The man nodded unsurely, "they were other members of the Fellowship, were they not?"

"As of current, they are my council as well as friends," Aragorn said it in a tone suggesting that he was speaking to a rather dull child. The man didn't seem to pick up on it.

It was then, of all times, that Tess barged into the room, fire in her eyes as the light pink nightgown rippled around her.

"Do you people know absolutely **nothing **about female hygiene?!" She half-screamed at the occupants of the room. "I searched half the castle and there's not a razor in sight—how the hell do you people keep from growing a beard or mustache or whatever it is that…" her tone dulled as she spotted the man, "Who the hell are you?"

The man looked at her, a glint in his eye that is often seen amongst some of the more competitive and ferocious salesmen. With the mind of a conman quickly working away in his head he approached Tess and knelt before her, taking her hand in his and gently kissing it. "My, you are a lovely lady."

Tess resisted the urge to kick him as she pulled her hand away and looked down at him with disgust, "Are you a sales-dude?"

Aragorn, who'd placed his head in his hands in slight shame at being seen with such a lunatic as she was presumed to be, looked over at the two and informed her quietly, "We'll deal with your issue later."

"No. We'll deal with it NOW," Tess glowered, folding her arms across her chest, "First you stick me with only pink frilly…_things _and then you give me no way to freakin' shave my legs! This is cruelty, and I want it fixed!"

The man chose then to once again intervene, "You look very… nice in this color."

"You _are _one of those sales-dudes, aren't you?" She snapped at him, stepping back and therefore away from the man that was severely creeping her out.

"No," the man insisted, "I'm simply a humble server of my lord."

"Sure you're not his lapdog?" Tess returned bitterly. She didn't like to be put in situations in which witty retorts had no effect, sarcasm drowned, and violence wasn't permitted. This seemed to be one of those rare occasions.

_'Brilliant, Tess, brilliant,' _she thought, glaring daggers into the man's head as he simply smiled at her.

"_Tess_," the familiar voice of her lab partner hissed from the doorway, "What _are _you doing?"

Tess turned, grateful for Amy's timing, which currently seemed to be oddly impeccable. She stood in the doorway, one hand rubbing sleep from her eyes, the other holding the thin cerulean blanket wrapped around her shoulders in place. Amy had at least had enough common sense not to wander around the halls in only her pajamas… unlike some.

Amy strode forwards into the room, shaking her head, "I'm sorry, sir, she's tired… and… um…"

"Delusional," Tess chirped, happy enough to help Amy with the lie.

The man tossed an unconvinced glance in Aragorn's direction, who nodded. After a small sigh escaped his parted lips, Aragorn explained, "That one, I'm afraid she is… delusional. Very tragic story, we keep her here because we trust no one but the elves to treat her—it's a very severe case."

Tess was stunned for a moment, and slightly impressed, at how quick and fluidly Aragorn submitted the lie. It sounded incredibly believable, but Tess wasn't exactly sure if her earlier actions supported it. _'Ludicrous,' _she thought, _'Everything you do supports it.'_

The conman nodded, realizing that the road he'd attempted to take was bumpy, short, and dead-ended. He looked over at Amy, and scrutinized her for a moment, his eyes widening very slightly as he took in her face. Without another moment's hesitation, he knelt before her, took her hand in his, and repeated his ritual of kissing her hand and offering compliments, "What a beauty this one is."

Tess covered her mouth to keep herself from laughing. _'Suck-up.' _

Amy bit her lower lip and pulled her hand away, apparently appreciating the compliments as much as Tess did. "Um… thanks…?"

"You speak strangely, dear, where are you from?" He inquired, his voice almost sounded genuinely interested if it hadn't been for the slightly smug tone that had mostly been drowned out.

Amy's mouth opened and then closed, as though she had absolutely no good responses for what he'd asked.

This time it was Legolas who came forth with the suitable lie, "I'm afraid we're unsure. We found her one day a while back by Rivendell, or what's left of it, and she's no memory of anything before."

Amy nodded, unconvincingly, but still nodded.

"Oh, how… sad. May I ask your name, darling?" the man asked, laying the sweetness on fairly thick. Too thick. Whatever it was he'd been pitching earlier, he really wanted it to sell.

"A… Arcadia," It took her a moment, but at the warning glances thrown her way by the members of the room that weren't reminding her of poisoned honey she gave him the name that Tess had originally dubbed her before.

"Pleasure," the man said, bowing slightly before her. He turned back to Tess, and as though she couldn't be qualified to answer a question about herself, inquired of Amy, "And who's this one?"

"Melanie," Tess spat out the name bitterly, and it took Amy a moment to realize that she'd only inserted the first name that came to her head out of pure spite for the man.

Aragorn picked up on this and turned to the dwarf in the room, "Gimli, could you please escort these two to Arcadia's chambers? I will need to discuss… Melanie's medication with them."

Gimli nodded, only too happy to oblige. As he passed him by, Aragorn tapped his arm gently and whispered, "And for God's sake, lock them in."

--------------------------

"Why do I feel unwanted and unloved?" Tess mumbled sarcastically, playing cat's cradle (or rather, attempting to) with the pink ribbon she'd left behind in her earlier haste to leave. "They're probably gonna start telling that salesdude we're whores, you know, or at least Far-mirror would."

Amy mumbled her response, her voice muffled and inaudible through the pillow she'd spoken into. Again, she was attempting to get some sleep, and again Tess found ways of interrupting it, even when she was on the other side of the room glaring holes into the door.

Tess shuddered, apparently not noticing Amy's desperate tries to block out her voice as she put her thoughts into words, "What if they tell him that and then they rent us out or something?"

Groaning, Amy moved her head to the side and pointed out with mounting frustration, "They'll already have thought of that. Besides, we're probably not even being discussed right now."

"I hope so," Tess stated, looping her thumb through the strand wrapped around her opposite ring finger, "'Cause if there's anything other than failing school I'm afraid of, it's becoming a hoe."

"We both know the last one at least will never happen," Amy replied, "First one, I'm not so sure."

Tess stuck her tongue out at her in a very immature way, "Yeah well, at least I'm not—Amy, stay _very _still."

Amy tensed up, looking over at Tess, yet not moving all the same, "What?"

"You don't want to know," Tess stated, her voice quiet and slow as she stared wide-eyed at Amy's shoulder. Reaching out with her left hand, she groped the nearby floor for something heavy that could cause a lot of damage.

"Okay, now I'm wigged out—what's going on?" Amy demanded, swallowing hard as she felt something _move _in a crawling like way up her back and over her shoulder blade.

"You scared of bugs?" Tess inquired, still frantically searching for some sort of weapon.

Amy paused, "Cockroaches… scorpions… do arachnids count?"

"I forgot they had an intelligent-sounding name," Tess muttered. "The big fuzzy ones—they're tarantula right? And those are deadly… right?"

"Oh, God, oh, God—are you telling me that one of _those _is crawling on my shoulder?" She said half of it through gritted teeth, and Tess thought she might move simply out of fear.

"Um, well, I'm not saying there _isn't_," Tess offered, looking over at her. "Okay, don't panic and use the big brain we all know you have—what do you know about them?"

"Other than I don't like them?" Amy snapped, but she calmed down as she searched through her memory for anything she might of read. "Um… okay, overgrown European wolf spider which is popularly believed to cause tarantism, or… er… Theraphosidae—um, big, hairy, American, bite, not that poisonous, but it _hurts_."

"Again, speaking gibberish—what's tarantism?" Tess inquired, closing one pocket of her jeans and opening another, desperately searching for something.

"A nervous disorder—characterized by the need to dance," Amy answered as though it were common knowledge. "Is it gone yet?"

Tess didn't answer her last question; instead, "Do you know if this all is accurate?"

"The _Marriam-Webster Medical Dictionary_ has never let me down before," Amy stated.

"You remembered that whole name? Gees, you need a life, girl," Tess acknowledged, shaking her head. "Is it scared of fire?"

"Probably—just make it _get off me_," Amy was growing incredibly impatient, and uncomfortable. It was wandering up and down her arm, and she had an odd feeling that it was heading towards her hair.

Tess nodded understandingly, and pulled a small case from one of the jean's many pockets. A book of matches. She slowly fished one matchstick out from its case, and struck it across the sandpaper lining the side of the box. Fire sprung forth almost instantly from the sparks, and carefully, so not to extinguish it or burn herself, Tess moved forwards.

Without much hesitation she looked over at Amy, "When I say three, you move away from here as quick as you possibly can."

Amy nodded as the thing crawled down her neck. It quickly became uncomfortable with the steep decline and hiked its way back up to her arm, where it seemed to enjoy pacing, just as Tess mumbled "one".

Tess leaned forwards, careful to keep the match alight and her eye on the spider as it continued patrolling. "Two."

A very small pause before Tess stuck the burning match just beside the tarantula and called, "Three!"

Amy jumped back, nearly falling off the bed and crashing to the floor where she lay star struck for a moment.

Meanwhile, Tess wasted no time in setting the spider on fire, which didn't exactly make the arachnid happy with her. It sprang from the bed like a cannon, and jumped up at her, she tried swatting it away but not before it's oversized pinchers pierced the flesh of her palm.

"Ow!" Tess cried, flinging it to the floor. If she hadn't been barefoot she would have stomped on it rather than jump onto the bed and command Amy to do the same.

She quickly alit another match, and held it down, once again setting the very fuzzy eight-legged creature on fire. She didn't like spiders. She really, really, _really _didn't like spiders.

It made an odd squeaking noise, but eventually stopped moving all together. Letting out a sigh of relief, Tess grabbed the nearest pillow and started beating out the fire that was slowly starting to spread from its flayed corpse.

"Okay, let's never ever do that again," Tess stated, looking with apparent disgust on the thing at the floor while gingerly rubbing her palm. "Never."

Amy nodded, mostly still stiff from the events. She could never keep her head when she needed to most, and it aggravated her to no ends. Finally managing to catch her breath she stated, "You realize I'd either be dead, dancing, or in a lot of pain if you weren't here, right?"

"I think that was the original plan, Ames," Tess admitted, tearing the pillowcase off the cushion as she spoke. "You owe me twice now."

"Yeah, and twice in one day," Amy frowned, "No wonder I can't get to sleep."

Tess nodded, scooping the carcass and ashes into the pillowcase before knotting it shut, "I think it's best you don't."

Amy'd been about to demand her meaning for those words, but there had been no time before a rather large stone crashed through the window, sending shattered glass ricocheting across the room. She couldn't help it, a scream escaped her throat as Tess shoved her off the bed and to the floor once again before following herself.

"That's three," Tess mumbled, narrowing her eyes, "You can make it up by finding me a brownie sundae."

-----------------------------

"I'm glad that you accepted, Sir," the man stated, bowing as he handed Aragorn a pack of elegant invitations bound with ribbons of different shades of gold and silver. "But, if it not be to bold, may I request you bring the two girls that stepped in here earlier? They're quite dynamic characters, and I'm sure my lord would love to meet them, he's always complaining of how… _dull _it is around here."

Aragorn nodded, waving him off and saying in a tone with a note of finality in it, "I'll think on it."

The man nodded and turned on his heel to exit the hall as a scream reached their ears. Legolas looked up from the floor at which he'd been staring with false interest, and Gimli snapped to attention for the first time since he'd returned. The members of the Fellowship that were present exchanged glances and hastily made their way through the halls, the conman following at their tails.

-----------------------

"Is everything alrigh', you two?" Gimli demanded as he shoved open the door, barely taking the time to hook the keys back to his belt.

The girls sat at the foot of the bed, Tess with a pillowcase in one hand, both staring at a heap of cracked glass that lay on the floor, and a blood-red granite rock tied securely to a black package with thin ropes.

Tess looked over at him, as Amy seemed to be a bit too in shock to actually reply, and started laughing. It took her a moment or so to regain her composure and wipe angrily at her eyes which had been brimming with unfalllen tears, and state, "Alright? Look at me—I'm in Middle _freakin' _Earth. Everyone thinks I'm nutters; and Amy has some stalker bent on killing her. Not to mention that I just got bit by a poisonous fuzz ball of a spider that tried to gut her—and now, look, package, and what does it say on it? Huh? _Read it_."

Amy looked at her slightly worried, "Theraphosidae… and 'gut me' is a bit of an exaggeration, don't you think?"

"It would have if I hadn't set it on fire—we both know that," Tess pointed out, looking down at her own hand which had turned various shades of lime green and dark purple.

Legolas approached them, concerned as well, and looked over at her hand, shaking his head, "Poisoned, Aragorn."

Aragorn nodded, leaning over to examine the package. Clearly, in bold gold words it displayed the simple two-syllable name "_Amy"_. Hesitantly he untied it from the rock, and pulled open the lid. Two lilies lay inside, along with a note.

Taking the note from its contents he handed the box to Gimli, who looked down at it with distrust and instant dislike before passing it on to Legolas.

Aragorn read the note over, but he didn't seem keen on reading it out loud. Already pissed to the point of no return, Tess leaned over and snatched the paper from his hand, reading it to herself.

_Amy,_

_I hope you received my gift, by the flowers and Maidie, or theraphosidae as I'm sure you're clever enough to know her as. You evaded my favorite assassin, I applaud your efforts, but don't expect to get away so soon. You have much to learn, and much more to avoid. You will see me in two days time, whether you know it or not. And I hope you are clever enough to piece together the clues by then, if not, I'm deeply ashamed._

Tess silently handed the note to Amy and sighed. "Why do I get the feeling this isn't good?"

* * *

**A/N: **Great, longest chapter yet and it's mostly all talk… kinda sad. Oh, well. Hope you read, hope you enjoyed, please review. Sorry it took so long for me to update… 


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